Its sneaks up on you.

Tonight, while standing at the dryer folding laundry, I called out to her,  something I've done many times while doing simple tasks in the past. Maybe out of habit, maybe because I forgot, maybe because I still don't believe it. I don't know.

I think of her almost all the time.  When I spend to much time on Pinterest pining quotes about dogs. When I drive by the park we used to play fetch at. When my photo on my desktop at work changes I always minimize the Windows to see if it's one of her.  Tonight I changed the sheets on the bed finally, but not entirely. They are piled in the corner of the room with the pillowcase folded neatly in the closet in case I forget how she smelled.

Every night I put Trigger to bed, I pause at the temporary shelf she sits on to tell her I love her, she's a good dog, and goodnight.

The tears don't come as easily now, but I still cry every day.

Speaking of Trigger.  He reminds me of her. When he greets someone at the door I'm reminded of her at his age. Or how she should be there next to him, howling and barking.  I hold him at night and watch him sleep, just like I had done just about every day of her life. I think of how precious she looked on the rare occasion that she snuggled me.  When he crawls in bed with me in the morning I am always telling him "that's where she should be" as I point to the foot of Ethans side of the bed.

We hung the bells on the door in hopes Trigger would learn to use them from her to let us know he needed to potty, She passed the next day.  Everytime they jingle, I think of her.  He still hasn't figured that out.

I hid her bed in the closet. I'm not ready to part with it, but I can't look without feeling sad either. 

He uses her food dishes, and in some respect that feels wrong, but they shared the same water dish, and 3 bowls doesn't make sense. He's almost out of puppy food, and I dread going to petco without her and the feelings that with bring up.

I find myself avoiding saying her name.  Zyera, Zyera, Zyera.  Like not saying it makes it easier, but it probably makes it worse. I have to conciously avoid saying "how are my puppies" and make sure it's not plural.

I received our monthly email from the veterinarian selling us a parasite protectant...the only difference was 1 email instead of 2, one for each.  I still haven't deactivated her microchip.

Next year we are planning a trip to Moab, Utah. Originally I was going to arrange a puppy sitter, but I don't care what it costs extra or how many times we need to stop...we aren't leaving Trigger behind.